When Difficulty Comes

I still remember how I reacted the first time I was put into a worldly environment. I didn’t exactly embody the Christian attitude. I had a bitter attitude towards everything. It was hard for me to accept the differences in people, and I started to question my faith. It didn’t take me long to get over my feelings once the experience had passed. I thought I had learned my lesson, but I hadn’t. Similar experiences came, always with the same feelings and thoughts of rebellion against God. I wanted to question God; I wanted to know why I was having such a difficult time. I knew something had to change. That’s when I decided to go to France. I came close to rejecting my faith then, but I could never let go no matter how hard I tried.
I had visited France once before and loved it. This time, though, my journey to Montpellier was not so pleasant. On the plane, I sat next to a very nice German man who had plenty of interesting opinions. I was not strong enough in my faith to witness to him, but we did have a few short conversations on government and life in general. He spent the rest of the eight or nine hours of the flight in the bathroom throwing up because he had drunk too much alcohol. Needless to say, he didn’t exactly have the sweet aroma of flowers upon him when he was sitting next to me. Inside I reacted as if a skunk had mysteriously appeared and sprayed the entire plane. This was not much of a difficulty in itself, but it did foreshadow what I would see in many of my fellow students once I got to France.
Bad omens seemed to keep coming my way. When I arrived at the airport, my hostess recognized me right away, but as soon as she identified herself, she started to walk towards the parking lot, not even giving me a chance to get my luggage. Later that week, I came back to the apartment to find I had missed dinner. Another night, my hostess welcomed another woman into the apartment as a tenant who was not even part of the school I attended. One time, she had family over, a daughter, granddaughter, and son. Her granddaughter would not leave me alone; she was annoying, but cute in her own way. The daughter and granddaughter left that night, but the son stayed. I did not exactly feel comfortable wearing pajamas at night when I knew he was there.
I did get my own room, however, and I was grateful for that. My first night I fell asleep right away, but awoke in the middle of the night disturbed by two things. The first was a small rumble coming from my empty stomach. I was so hungry I heard my stomach talking. It seemed to sound off like a pig, “oink, oink, oink, feed me.” The second thing that awoke me was the need to use the restroom. I was rather irritated that no one had awakened me for dinner. Even more irritating was the fact that I did not know where the bathroom was. Here I was, in a very small apartment, and afraid to look for a bathroom! I don’t know why I was afraid. The overall experience I’d had so far made me want to crawl up in a corner and cry. The only thing I could think of to do was call my mom. I spent the entire night on the phone complaining. I held my need to use the restroom for quite some time, but eventually I got up the courage to find out where the bathroom was. As it turned out, French homes have two separate rooms for bathroom uses: one for the toilette and the other for the bathtub, shower, and sink. In the apartment I was in, both rooms had signs on them to tell what they were!
The next morning, I met two other girls who stayed in the room next to mine. Our hostess slept in the living room. They both came from other countries but were in the same student exchange program as me. I thought this odd, but knew they spoke English, so it would not be too strange for them to take classes with me. They showed me the ropes: how to get to school, which was in a large town center much like the markets and squares of Italy. The school was on the fourth floor of an old building. We almost always had to take the stairs. For a plus-sized girl like me this became a difficulty in itself, especially considering my apartment was also four floors up. As soon as I entered the classroom doors, I knew things were not going to be what I had expected. I soon found that these classes were not for beginners. Although I’d taken one year of French, I couldn’t understand a thing because the teachers spoke only in French!
I did make a few friends at first but soon learned how worldly they were. When we started to talk about our worldviews, I didn’t have much to say in my defense. After that, no one really liked me. It didn’t help that I wasn’t willing to visit bars, drink, and smoke with the other kids. Many came from other countries where they used beer and cigarettes at a young age; and all those from America took the opportunity to drink and smoke legally. I was the strange American. Even the woman with whom I stayed pressured me to take part. On top of all this, I became very homesick and got into the habit of crying in bed every night. I called my parents as often as possible, wrote in my journal as a way of venting, and did my Bible study every night.
The various difficulties depressed me, but God found little ways to cheer me. I began to realize the importance of difficulties and the possibilities of what we can make out of them. I met with American missionaries who were very kind to me. Other times I explored the streets of Montpellier and found a sense of independence. God gave me strength to persevere. I was content in those few moments when I could stop to watch a street performer or sing along with a ministering church choir. It was encouraging. I had often thought I would fall away in my faith; that I would somehow lose it and come to believe something else – or nothing. I have doubted my beliefs as much as any other Christian. Having grown up in a Christian home, many would expect me to rebel against what I’ve been taught. Now I was thinking about it again, but something kept me going. No matter what I thought or did, no matter how empty I felt, I couldn’t be separated from God. Romans 8:35, 39 says, “Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword? Neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.” The difficulties I’ve faced have brought me to the point where I couldn’t stop believing in God or in His love for me; His love kept me going when I was in France.
When the end of my adventure came, my hostess refused to take me to the airport. I tried to call Dorcas, one of the missionaries, but couldn’t find her phone number. Next, I called the missionary pastor. He gave Dorcas’ number to me, but when I tried to call her, my cell phone ran out of out-going minutes! Throughout my trip I had come to depend on God to get me through the hard times, so I prayed. I was about to go find a pay phone when my cell phone rang. It was Dorcas! The pastor had called her to make sure everything turned out OK. She was happy to take me to the airport that morning. The Lord had prepared my way home.
I felt like I had wasted my parents’ money on my trip. When I came home, my parents inveighed against the program’s curriculum and organization, hoping to get their money back, but they were forced to accept what I had learned as reward enough for their money. I realized that this trip was meant to be. Just as those long stairways and walks about Montpellier exercised my body, the difficulties built up my mind and developed my independence. Most important, my troubles caused me to depend on God instead of on myself and pushed me to do my own research and form my own worldview, to learn more about what I believe so I can defend Christianity.
My faith was challenged, but I took the opportunity to confront difficulty and overcome it. Epicurus said, “The greater the difficulty, the more the glory in surmounting it.” During my trip to France, I grew spiritually, mentally, and physically because of the trials I faced. Difficulty taught me. I was its pupil. I‘m sure many more difficulties will come -- life is full of difficulties. The question is: How will I react when they do come?