Emotions

I can be quite an emotional person sometimes. There have been times when I have randomly cried for no reason at all. Either that or something arouses bitter feelings inside of me and I can't help but question my faith. I don't know why feel the way I do. Actually, most of the time I am just plain quiet and not emotional at all. But there comes a time when everything catches up with me and I can't help but cry.

For example, last Sunday I visited Brooklyn Tabernacle Church. They're Pentecostal. It was an interesting experience. I enjoyed it. However, the worship was very emotional. I haven't found my own way to worship God yet, so I felt left out, and pressured to pretend to worship. A lot of times worship seems so fake to me. The service went on. My heart continued to become bitter. As awesome as the sermon was, I still couldn't help but want to cry. I don't know why. I think it's the fact that I just can't reach that level of worship. I don't feel like God is there. I'm not sure of my salvation. I should be. I know what I believe. But everything seems so messed up.