An Old Vent I Had

I feel so empty. I feel so wrong. I know that I have done something wrong, we all do, no one is perfect. I do not want to be disobedient. I do not want to hide! I realize that I have done something wrong but cannot stop doing it.
So I pray. I asked for forgiveness. I know that I need to come before God, and give it all to Him. But when it comes time to do it I feel like I am not good enough, like I am doing it all wrong because its not emotional enough. "Like I am doing it all wrong" which I know is true in one sense by itself, and meaning but in the other meaning I get an idea in my head of what it should be like but it does not happen that way! We as humans, think it has to be BIG, and EMOTIONAL. BUT IT DOESN'T!!! And once again I am finding myself reaching but not being touched back, or so it seems.
Why? Why is it this way? Why do I believe what I believe? Faith? Faith seems to be the very one thing that I cannot have. It sneers in my face. It mocks me. Why does it mock me?
But NO!!!!! It is not faith that mocks me, It is the DEVIL that sneers in my face and mocks me!!! SIN separates me from GOD. May God spite me or take all that tortures me away!
I will not fall! I will not fall! Leave me be, you EVIL ONE!
FAITH is the one thing I do have. And I know that what I believe is true.